Hello warriors! How is life treating you? Are you where you want to be in life? Are you living a wishful life? Do you find yourself comparing your self to others continuously? Is your life in chaos? What you think, you will start to believe, and when you believe it becomes true even when its a lie. Self sabotage exists and it exists in so many. What collars are you ready to throw away?
I am a victim to my own self sabotage, self lies, believing its just existence of life and many masks. I am beyond thankful for my eyes to open and truly see my own worth, value, bravery, strength, courage, and that I am a warrior. My research helped me learn, unlearn, relearn and gave me the tools I needed to tackle who I don’t want to be. The tools to attack my mindset and self care to who I want to be. It Opened my eyes to realize it is my life and I have control of it. I can either fail or succeed. I can tear myself apart or I can mend myself back together and shine. I can stay comfortable or I can get outside my comfort zone. I am learning and tackling each and everyday to unlearn the self destruction, self Sabotage by switching my self talk.
Here is how I used to talk to self or see myself for almost 41 years; I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m selfish, I’m not capable, I’m useless, I’m of color, I don’t fit in, I’m not worth ones time, I’m fearful, I’m scared, I’m worthless, I speak funny, fast and have million thoughts at once, growing up trying to hide the wrinkles on my hands, being silent of the fear of how I speak, I’m lazy, I’m mean, I’m unhealthy, I’m old, I’m to young, I don’t have the experience, I’m short, I’m not smart enough, I’m not beautiful, I’m bad person depending on which title, I’m weak, I don’t deserve it, I’m giving up, I’m to late, I freeze when all eyes are on me, I have bad luck, I can’t, I’ll never follow through with it, I’m just disappointment, I must be perfect at it to try, I’m not enough, they are better then me, people won’t like me, it is to hard, I’d rather put you down to make myself feel better, assuming and filling in the blanks, there is always tomorrow, timing isn’t right, self pity, complainer, never done it, use excuses after excuses, flaky, non trustworthy, drama starter, shit talker, gossiper, I’ll only do it one more time, I’m doubtful, they’re better at it then me so why try, I’ll failure so why try, I am a failure, I am my many addictions, I hold grudges, I would target back when hurt, I would hurt out of anger or/and jealousy , it is what it is, no self control, over eater, procrastinator, it’s just life, not in me to be organized, finger pointer, I can’t change, it’s impossible for me, I’ll start tomorrow, and what ever else I forgot I told myself or the way I acted or conducted myself.
JUST WOW! IT’S ALL LIES I’VE TOLD MYSELF. Im glad my eyes were open to how I was treating myself. I’m continuing to learn that this is all bullshit. That I let self sabotaging, self destruction, and self lies run my life for way to long. I continue to squash who I don’t want to be and attack who I want to be. I forgave myself first before others could forgive me, I realize my worth, I know I am brave, I am very capable as long as I start and try. That giving up is not a choice. Knowing I will have set backs, struggles, interference, obstacles, bad choice, and difficulties but not to let it define me. To always look for the good first and not to be blinded to learn life lessons from anyone. That I can learn from my closet friend and my worse enemy. I find it is important to take breaks to just breath. To work as hard as I can to accept self as is but know I am capable of being better. To stop stories at my ears. To squash complaining, excuses, self pity, and self lies. To always learn, and willing to unlearn and relearn. To do my research and always push myself to be better me. To be grateful, thankful and respectful. To listen first and not to give advice when not needed. To not take things personal and never target back out of anger. To always try, start, continue, and restart when needed. That I do not let anyone get in my way of me being truly me. I have set boundaries which some don’t understand and that’s okay. I have also learned that It is okay to let go of those that keep me back and set me back. That it is very important to own myself so I am able to grow to be better me. To give with out expectations, recognition, and/or to receive. To be open minded to anyone that comes my way.
Remember to be true, be you! SAL