Better Me!

Comparison: Self vs Others mindset vs destruction

How often do you compare yourself to others? Why? When is comparison helpful? When is comparison damaging? Why do our brains use comparison to figure out how to measure up to other people?

I truly feel in some way we all compare ourself to one another. We compare I feel because of what the other person is capable of doing. We compare the worse of ourselves to the best we see in others. When we compare we have resentment towards others and towards ourself. I feel comparison is a negative and anxious thought that is beyond hard, I feel, to come out of. I feel comparison makes one feel less then, starts silence, less active, damages self esteem, feeling of worthless, feeling of not being enough, jealousy, envy, depression, anxiety, over spending, affects the ability to trust, and takes away from YOU.

Does comparison have value? Does comparison have true meaning? Does comparison fulfill your life? Does comparison add to what you want defining you? Does comparison make you stronger? Does comparison motivate you? Does comparison get you outside your comfort zone? Does comparison add to your uniqueness?

If comparison is making you who you are not. If comparison is destroying you. It is time to stop. START tackling comparison by getting rid of what creates it. I feel social media has huge part of comparing self to others. Turn it off and take a break. Journal if you need to so you can compare the difference. You need to practice gratitude and make it a habit. Put the time and energy into your own life. Create the life, the you, you want to be. Stop comparing your self to the highlight, spotlight, none reality moments and realize it is not the complete story you are comparing too. You are meant for this life for a reason so focus on you, focus on your strengths, focus on what you want defining you as YOU, and focus on your accomplishments small and big. Instead of comparing yourself to others cheer them on and be happy for them. Understand it is their accomplishment, it is their journey, it is them being a better me. So be happy for other people. Never take what is not yours. Try to compare against yourself before you compare yourself to others. Setting boundaries is a must across the board, with people, with social media, with television, with what takes away from you becoming YOU. Stop impulse buying, stop fearing that you will miss out, don’t be annoyed by others success, don’t delete because it didn’t get enough response, and stop always checking who liked your post. Just let it be and one day it will be viewed by the right person.

So focus on you! Focus on your life! Focus on what you want defining you! Focus on what makes you happy! Focus on gratitude! Focus on keeping up with self. Focus on comparing yourself to yesterday. YOU ARE ENOUGH! Be true, Be YOU!

”It’s one of the most basic ways we develop an understanding of who we are, what we’re good at, and what we’re not so good at”.

Thomas Mussweiler – professor of organizational behavior, describes comparison

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Better Me!

Ask Yourself….

WHO? WHY? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? HOW? Are you stuck or losing control? Do you feel that change needs to happen but you already think about failing? Who is helping you and who is stopping you? What gets you moving and what halts you? When are you lifting self up and when are you tearing self down? Where are you at in life? How will you accept change? What is your passion? What motivates you? I can ask thousand more questions. But truly ask yourself if you are where you want to be right now? If you are then I am so happy that you found you and that you accept and deal with everything that comes your way. That you squashed the excuses and you just tackle you. That you are not wasting time but embracing and doing you! But if you are NOT where you want to be right now in your life then let me help you by researching, finding tools and you doing the work for self. Remember what works for me might not work for you. Just take what works for you, so you will be better self.

Do you Realize and Know your true self worth, strength, courage, beauty, acceptance, and the warrior in you! Is it time to STOP with what is not working. Grab the tools that are working and go different direction, start a new journey, path or new chapter.

Advice from a stranger, “you are not guaranteed your life and those around you are not guaranteed their life. You can either become who this world needs, who you want to be or you can continue to waste your life wishing, wants and could haves. I truly feel everyone eyes open on their own time, what works for one doesn’t mean it will work for you. Be who you are meant to be and do not let people change you. Change for yourself because YOU realize you can be better. Change because you are ready to show this world what you are capable of. Listen and accept the advice that shows your true colors, opens your eyes, keeps you on track and makes you better. Don’t waste time listening to what pulls you down, those that don’t believe in you or understand, your own self lies, and ones who do not try. Understand you are only alone when you are silent. When you speak up people are everywhere. Own it when it is yours to OWN and pass it to the right owner for ownership without getting involved. Understand your imperfections are you. Why hide or try to get rid of what makes you, YOU! Spread your story and acknowledge YOU for you. It is you being you that gives others the strength or inspiration to be “better me”. Forgive and let go and let your heart start healing. Remember gratitude, thankfulness, and gratefulness always specially during the hard moments.”

My opinion: One struggle I have noticed lately is acceptance. Seems no matter ones opinion, belief, stance, likes, values, differences, ethnics, heritage, personal stories, respect, actions or reason something is always not accepted, read wrong, took out of context, or offensive. Acceptance of others is lacking listening skills, respect, and kindness of ones opinion, ideas, values, worth, belief, stance, culture, heritage, ideas, and knowledge. Acceptance of self and acceptance of others these days just seems we are in chaos all around us. I feel nothing is correct these days. Past is huge target and today is huge target, which makes the future a huge target. When will you start tackling who you want to be and get rid of who you don’t want to be? When will you stop interfering in others life and tackle our own life? If you can’t tackle yourself, household and life what makes you feel you can tackle the entire world? Do you accept self and all its imperfections and realize your self worth? Acceptance of ONE needs to be brought back into society. Jokes should be just jokes, opinion should be opinion, books are books and tools used to learn, reconnect, unconnected and get lost in time, history is history we learn not take away, racism we grow, unlearn, learn, relearn, listen and accept and not target and throw in faces, gender is gender just let a person have the opportunity to find their self, colors are just colors, children should be children, a name is just a name don’t put title on it, voice is a voice should be heard without being ridiculed, person is a person be careful how you judge them, and it just keeps going.

I am continuously unlearning, relearning, learning, owning self, and working to be better me. A Journey I am discovering and writing about at

Better Me!

Remember who you ARE!

Hello warriors! How is life treating you? Are you where you want to be in life? Are you living a wishful life? Do you find yourself comparing your self to others continuously? Is your life in chaos? What you think, you will start to believe, and when you believe it becomes true even when its a lie. Self sabotage exists and it exists in so many. What collars are you ready to throw away?

I am a victim to my own self sabotage, self lies, believing its just existence of life and many masks. I am beyond thankful for my eyes to open and truly see my own worth, value, bravery, strength, courage, and that I am a warrior. My research helped me learn, unlearn, relearn and gave me the tools I needed to tackle who I don’t want to be. The tools to attack my mindset and self care to who I want to be. It Opened my eyes to realize it is my life and I have control of it. I can either fail or succeed. I can tear myself apart or I can mend myself back together and shine. I can stay comfortable or I can get outside my comfort zone. I am learning and tackling each and everyday to unlearn the self destruction, self Sabotage by switching my self talk.

Here is how I used to talk to self or see myself for almost 41 years; I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m selfish, I’m not capable, I’m useless, I’m of color, I don’t fit in, I’m not worth ones time, I’m fearful, I’m scared, I’m worthless, I speak funny, fast and have million thoughts at once, growing up trying to hide the wrinkles on my hands, being silent of the fear of how I speak, I’m lazy, I’m mean, I’m unhealthy, I’m old, I’m to young, I don’t have the experience, I’m short, I’m not smart enough, I’m not beautiful, I’m bad person depending on which title, I’m weak, I don’t deserve it, I’m giving up, I’m to late, I freeze when all eyes are on me, I have bad luck, I can’t, I’ll never follow through with it, I’m just disappointment, I must be perfect at it to try, I’m not enough, they are better then me, people won’t like me, it is to hard, I’d rather put you down to make myself feel better, assuming and filling in the blanks, there is always tomorrow, timing isn’t right, self pity, complainer, never done it, use excuses after excuses, flaky, non trustworthy, drama starter, shit talker, gossiper, I’ll only do it one more time, I’m doubtful, they’re better at it then me so why try, I’ll failure so why try, I am a failure, I am my many addictions, I hold grudges, I would target back when hurt, I would hurt out of anger or/and jealousy , it is what it is, no self control, over eater, procrastinator, it’s just life, not in me to be organized, finger pointer, I can’t change, it’s impossible for me, I’ll start tomorrow, and what ever else I forgot I told myself or the way I acted or conducted myself.

JUST WOW! IT’S ALL LIES I’VE TOLD MYSELF. Im glad my eyes were open to how I was treating myself. I’m continuing to learn that this is all bullshit. That I let self sabotaging, self destruction, and self lies run my life for way to long. I continue to squash who I don’t want to be and attack who I want to be. I forgave myself first before others could forgive me, I realize my worth, I know I am brave, I am very capable as long as I start and try. That giving up is not a choice. Knowing I will have set backs, struggles, interference, obstacles, bad choice, and difficulties but not to let it define me. To always look for the good first and not to be blinded to learn life lessons from anyone. That I can learn from my closet friend and my worse enemy. I find it is important to take breaks to just breath. To work as hard as I can to accept self as is but know I am capable of being better. To stop stories at my ears. To squash complaining, excuses, self pity, and self lies. To always learn, and willing to unlearn and relearn. To do my research and always push myself to be better me. To be grateful, thankful and respectful. To listen first and not to give advice when not needed. To not take things personal and never target back out of anger. To always try, start, continue, and restart when needed. That I do not let anyone get in my way of me being truly me. I have set boundaries which some don’t understand and that’s okay. I have also learned that It is okay to let go of those that keep me back and set me back. That it is very important to own myself so I am able to grow to be better me. To give with out expectations, recognition, and/or to receive. To be open minded to anyone that comes my way.

Remember to be true, be you! SAL